Me, God and no one else

Erol Rizaov

We published thousands of different lists of wishes and hopes that the new 2018 has brought. The expectations are higher than the mountains Shar Planina, Korab and Belasica combined. This year, the children’s letters to Santa Claus were more realistic and plausible than the predictions of the numerous local”Nostradamuses” of the major historical events. The fortunetellers in Macedonia do not find it hard to predict what awaits us not only this year, but indefinitely. They will run several different forecasts in circulation, sometimes quite opposed and there is no failure, one or two of the forecasts will definitely be correct. And, even if they completely miss, who will check and show about the last year’s peaches, who said what and how they bet. It’s a pretty boring and stupid topic. And when the day of the resurrection or the flood comes, whatever it is, they’ll appear as a choir: Didn’t I tell you so … I told you how it would be…. Me, the Lord and no one else.

All these “astrologists”, every single one of them, say that 2018 will be a crucial year for us, and our neighbors in the Balkans. The planets and the stars were aligned that way. Our and the international psychics said this. Someone reactivated Grandma Vangja as well, she works the Internet very well and predicts the future and fortune every day. I haven’t checked if the imam in Bitola, he used to predict things in advance. Grandma Vangja and the Bitola imam will be alive and well and predict the future as long as there people who believe in them. There are a lot of educated and wise people in the Balkans who are convinced that their future is predetermined and they cannot change anything about it. They are not at all naïve, but they firmly believe in destiny. It was written, is what they say. You cannot run from what is destined to happen. It is the solid foundation of the Balkan mentality, primitivism and provincialism.

My prognosis is: We cannot escape this idiotism and hustling in the next hundred years. The astrological card was made by politicians and various leaders and fairytales.  They marked all the planets on our stellar paths in the space flight to Europe that lasts one hundred years, marking our  light and dark sides, where our east is, and where the west, where Jupiter and Mars are moving, and where Mercury and Venus. …. And now those who are predicting with a finger stuck in a pumpkin that this year average salaries will increase by twenty to thirty euros, or they will reach approximately around 24,000 denars, but will still be the lowest in all of Europe. This was not hard to predict. It was much harder to anticipate that even in
2018 the negotiations with the EU will not start, nor will we become a NATO member. It’s all postponed for the next historic year 2019. Thus it is written on the palm of Prime Minister Zoran Zaev overlapping with the fateful line on the left hand of Hristijan Mickoski, the current and most important leader of VMRO-DPMNE, since 1893.

So many things are predicted to happen in this new 2018.  The independent judiciary, due to lack of evidence, will not convict any of the top VMRO-DPMNE leaders charged with corruption, organized crime, criminal charge for electoral fraud, destruction of state and private property, and another 30 other crimes. The trials will continue in 2019 and in 2020 and 2021 … This year there will be no elections. The Special Prosecutor’s Office will continue to work, but it might as well not work. Zijadin Sela will not deliver “burek” pies in the government this year and will not be a reform minister, but will make fundamental reforms in his house and party, will go radically to the end against DUI, and against DPA, and against SDSM, and against VMRO-DPMNE and against himself. Pollution of soil and air will not be reduced, but will increase, so it will be until a leader in the year 2225 brings back the winds from Shara, Skopska Crna Gora, Kitka and the Aegean Sea.

P.S. A short lesson on How to Become a Psychic. Two prisoners sentenced to death lay in the cells of the Ottoman Empire. One of them called the guard and told him he could make the Sultan’s horse fly in a year. The guard told the messenger, and the messenger told the sultan. The next day the prisoner was called to start working and select a horse that he would make fly within a year. The other prisoner told his roommate: “You are going to be decapitated, how you are going to make a horse fly? You are such a fool. “Listen,” said the ‘magician’, happy to teach the sultan’s horse fly – “In a year, the horse might die, the sultan might die, and even I might die. Maybe a miracle will happen and save me… But, you are going to be decapitated tomorrow.